So Let Me Watch (And I'll Keep the Memories Alive)
by isumi 'kivic
Summary: HOMRA is the name of the bond they share. But even inside HOMRA, Totsuka knows there are those who forge personal bonds even stronger than the rest. Totsuka, watching over Saruhiko and Misaki's crumbling bond. Totsuka-centric, Saruhiko/Misaki.


Title: So Let Me Watch (and I'll Keep the Memories Alive)

Fandom: [K] anime, Project K.

Characters/Pairings: Totsuka Tatara. Fushimi Saruhiko/Yata Misaki.

Warnings: un-beta-ed, and English isn't my native tongue so beware grammar mistakes. OOC-ness abound, this was written just before episode four and by that time, there was only four chapters of [K]~Memories of Red~ out, so yeah.

A/N: This fic doesn't have a focus, I swear. It starts as Totsuka looking upon Fushimi and Yata's relationship, and ends as some kind of character-study, I don't even know anymore. I just hope you'll enjoy it :D Reviews are loved!

**A [K] Project Fanfiction**

_So Let Me Watch (and I'll Keep the Memories Alive)_

Totsuka can't hate Fushimi.

HOMRA is a clan whose members have the strongest bond. It's like a family, the way they share stories over food and drinks and the occasional daily violence. Their bond is not one made of blood, nor ash or bones. It is one forged over mutual sense of belonging, over red heat and burning powers and watching each other's back. Their bond is made of vicious hollers and relentless laughter all mixed into one, under the King's intense scrutiny and Anna's watchful eyes. It's made of Kusanagi patient reproaches and the memories recorded in Totsuka's camera.

Even when Fushimi severs that bond brutally, Totsuka can't hate him.

He just hates that he's the one who has to tell Yata about it.

HOMRA is the name of the bond they share. But even inside HOMRA, Totsuka knows there are those who forge personal bonds even stronger than the rest. One they could understand more than anybody. Shouhei and Bandou. Dewa and Chitose. Eric and Fujishima. Kusanagi and Anna.

Fushimi and Yata.

People might not even think about the two of them, seeing how Fushimi and Yata fight almost every single day. They seem to enjoy railing each other up, to trade kicks and hits like they're token of affections, and in a way, maybe they are. Totsuka's caught Yata grinning unrepentantly after a particular bruising hit Fushimi delivered to his face, and he's seen Fushimi's gaze softening when Yata shouts at him. Violence is what HOMRA identifies with, and having someone to fight back-to-back with is a blessing equal to haven.

Totsuka knows Yata trusts Fushimi more than anybody else. And he thinks Fushimi does, too. Which is why he's mainly confused when Fushimi decides to abandon HOMRA for the Blue Clan.

"Last picture, then," he says to Fushimi, before the man could walk out of the bar. Kusanagi stays silent behind him, but Totsuka wishes for once the bar owner would say something. Anything. "Just something to remember you by, before you have to wear that blue uniform."

Fushimi doesn't even pause on his steps, merely waving his hand and slips out of the door.

Kusanagi sighs, and wordlessly puts a bottle of scotch before Totsuka.

-o0o-

Yata scoffs when he tells him about it.

"Traitors," he says lowly, "should all go rot in hell."

But there's hurt flashing in Yata's eyes, and Totsuka recognizes broken hearts when he sees it. The hand gripping the skateboard is white-knuckled, and Yata still refuses to meet his gaze. Totsuka stares at him; the way his throat bobs when he swallows hard, the way his expression tightens, the way he turns around sharply and stomps out of the bar.

Kusanagi gets a hold of Kamamoto hours later, telling them that Yata has gone on rampage, wrecking up an illegal weapons dealer's warehouse and got captured. King comes out with Anna, spares a glance at both Kusanagi and Totsuka, and just like that, the whole HOMRA sets out to save Yata.

They find Yata curled up on the floor, around his skateboard like it is the only thing keeping him from insanity, beaten up more by the excessive power he's used than by the enemy's attacks. Totsuka crouches beside him, lets Mikoto and the others take care of the illegal weapons dealer's gang. Yata's shoulders shudder, slumping in exhaustion, and when Totsuka pushes back Yata's hair, he pretends not to see the wetness shimmering in Yata's dull eyes.

He doesn't know what Fushimi and Yata are, but he chants anyway, "It's okay now, Yata-chan. It's okay."

-o0o-

Yata wears his heart on his sleeves.

Totsuka figures it is a good thing, because it also means that Yata's mood changes fast. The nineteen-year-old boy could appear furious in one second, but elated on the next. The way he deals with his feelings is explosive. Or maybe like a typhoon, storming in furiously for several minutes, then vanishing completely leaving everyone baffled and, more often than not, things burnt to the point of needing complete replacement.

Kusanagi is irritated; it is his beloved bar, after all.

Yata yells and shouts and screams at everything and everyone, and Totsuka thinks of Mikoto's huge burst of fire in the battle when Yata is throwing his fit. But the King doesn't say anything, Anna doesn't even bat an eyelash, and Totsuka's pretty sure Kusanagi understands that Yata needs to let everything out.

Gradually, it ceases.

Yata still yells and shouts and screams at everything and everyone, but the previous raw fury disappears. He goes back to bullying Kamamoto, goes off flying with his skateboard, goes back to swinging his baseball bat at his enemy's head, hitting and kicking and _alive_. The fire comes back to his eyes, filling the dull gazes and empty stares, and he stops burning things in the bar, much to Kusanagi's relief.

But Anna says, "It doesn't stop bleeding."

Totsuka thinks he knows. Yata wears his heart on his sleeves, and it's easy to catch the wounds he carries around. And Fushimi's betrayal hurts him deep—even when Yata's grinning unrepentantly again. It's in the way Yata lowers his gaze when there's news of SCEPTER 4. It's in the way Yata glances to where Fushimi used to sit in the bar. It's in the way Yata's smile fade a little when he looks up to see Kamamoto standing next to him, and not Fushimi.

"No," he agrees with the little girl. "It really doesn't, Anna-chan."

-o0o-

Totsuka blinks when Awashima Seri strides in confidently into the bar like she owns the place, takes a seat next to him like they aren't members of different clans, and demands the strongest mix of drink Kusanagi can make.

Kusanagi actually takes a step back. "What the fuck are you doing here, Seri-chan?"

_Seri-chan_. Totsuka's eyebrows rise high.

"This is entirely your fault." Awashima points sharply at Kusanagi. "I have a lot of things to do as it is, having someone like Munakata-san as a King, who never does any of his paperwork, and you just have to transfer the most problematic member of yours into my clan. Do you have any idea how much trouble he's caused?"

"Are we," Totsuka tilts his head slowly. "Talking about Fushimi-kun?"

"Oh, he's brilliant alright. His work is of excellent quality, his brain is extraordinary. I have to admit that. But work ethics—he doesn't have them." She eyes the reddish green-colored liquid in the tall glass that Kusanagi serves her. "I want anko topping."

Kusanagi makes a horrified face. "You—you're disgracing the elegance of fine drinks!"

Awashima waves her hand dismissively, obviously ignoring him. Totsuka feels the corners of his mouth quirk up in a smile. "You have weird taste, Awashima Seri-san."

"My taste is just too refined for kids." She straightens herself, and Totsuka can see why she is the Blue King's right hand. Elegant and strength is engraved in every little curve of her body, accentuating the aura of attractiveness she carries around. "Fushimi Saruhiko doesn't even have the same ideology as we do. He's very problematic."

"He has his reasons." Totsuka answers quietly, because he remembers the look in Yata's eyes when he calls Fushimi a traitor.

"He disappears a lot, moving even without Munakata-san's orders, and I'm the one who has to clean up after him." She turns a sharp glare at him. "Can you please tell one of your members to stop making havoc everywhere he goes? The one with the skateboard—Fushimi always goes after him, and no one would know until he calls and asks me to clean up. And if the information is incorrect and the guy isn't there, he'll deliberately put off the rest of his task for the day, and I have to clean up after him. Again."

Totsuka starts. "Fushimi-kun goes after Yata-chan?"

"He said if the skateboard guy isn't there, it's just no fun." She snatches the new glass Kusanagi slides towards her, and drains the liquid inside in huge gulps. "Oh, that was brilliant. Give me another, umeboshi topping."

Kusanagi makes a soft retching sound.

-o0o-

The first time he sees Yata and Fushimi meets, after the betrayal, it chills Totsuka to the bone.

It isn't the raw malice practically emanating from Yata. It isn't the slack resignation in Fushimi's gestures.

It's that Totsuka can see how the bond between them crumbles under anger and hurt and unspoken questions. It's hurting them both, and Totsuka hates to see it.

"Glad to see you, Misaki."

"Don't get so familiar with me. Traitor." Venom. Sharp and dripping, aiming to hurt.

"I'm just glad you're here. It's no fun without you, after all."

Blue and red clash and Totsuka forces himself to watch.

-o0o-

Totsuka watches. It's what he does.

He watches. He prefers to stay behind to watch, to catch what the rest of HOMRA members can't, so he can remember when no one can't. It's why he likes recording things; it's a whole new pleasure to keep the memories alive.

Most of the time, he's part of the audience. Unlike Kusanagi, he rarely dabbles directly. Oh, he'll act when he needs to, especially when everyone needs him to and one of their members is in danger, but he usually stays put. Totsuka prefers to do things personally, to approach every member and share what stories they have, to banish loneliness from the King's eyes, to push everyone forward with a pat on their back. While Kusanagi practically runs HOMRA with his intelligence network and his beloved bar, Totsuka prefers to just be there when anyone needs him.

That is his role.

He stays on the site to make sure he sees everything that's happening, to remember everything as best as he can. He'll be there to watch their lonely King wields the wild flames like he's one with the element, he'll be there to watch Kusanagi puffs little rings of smoke into the freezing air, he'll be there to watch Anna fiddles with her red marbles. He'll be there to greet new faces, new bonds, new power. He'll be there to watch Yata sliding along the pavements, flitting from side-to-side like he could never fall, and grinning like he's standing on top of the world, even when he's still bleeding.

He'll be there when they need to remember, because he's watched for so long, and he's caught everything as best as he can, and if it isn't enough, his camera will stand for him.

Tonight, the sky is clear. The breeze feels good, too. Totsuka hums as he opens the door to the roof, camera in hand, already recording. Maybe tonight he can figure out where the bar is from up here.

Someone is already there.

"Hey, _it's a nice night out_. I came out here to take pictures of the nighttime view, but what are you doing out here?"

-o0oENDo0o-


End file.
